My Sweet Boy

Where to even start?! Well...most of you probably don't know what's been going on with my son because I didn't have a whole lot of followers when I blogged about it here. A lot has changed since I wrote that blog. He had more blood drawn since then to check for Leukemia because his bleeding time test came back abnormal, it turns out he didn't have Leukemia or Lupus but still possible VWD. Kyler was scheduled to have his surgery this Friday, ya know, just in time for Paul to be home to help me take care of the kiddos for the weekend. They were going to be removing his tonsils, adenoids & putting tubes in his ears because 3 weeks ago when we went to his ENT his ears were full of fluid. On Sunday when I woke up he was in bed with me...which is common for him because he wakes up when Paul is home & getting ready to leave for work, I don't mind it, it's kinda nice to fall back asleep to my precious boy...anyways...he definitely doesn't wake up with unexplained bruises that look like road rash! I have NO CLUE what happened & that slightly terrifies me. My best guess is that he fell out of his bed & scraped himself on the wood frame? Here is the bed he has, so it makes sense...well at least it's the only thing I can think of.

He sleep walks too, but there is nothing inside my house that could really give him bruises like these & I definitely wouldn't have thought something like falling off his bed would cause a bruise like this!
How it got underneath where is diaper is, is beyond me?! He only wore a diaper to bed because he unclothes himself all the time...so when he fell asleep on the couch with me, rather than waking him up (we don't wake a sleeping Kyler with OSA up, if we don't have too) & putting his jammies back on him, I laid him in his bed, prayed with him & covered him up.
Monday morning when he woke up with the bruises, vomiting & feeling really hot (my thermometer broke & I forgot to get a new one...kudos for Mommy...I think NOT), so as soon as his doctors office opened I was on the phone to get an appointment for that afternoon. We were seen at 11:50, I was told that he wasn't allowed to have ANY MEDS the week of his surgery because of his "possible" bleeding disorder (cause the pictures above aren't proof of that), he already has to stay over night so they can monitor his bleeding. So his doctor sent over a prescription for anti-nausea dissolving pills so he could at least keep fluids down. His temp read 98.6 when they took it, I still believe it was wrong...but whatever. Welp...Monday night about 9:30ish I ended up in Urgent Care with him, he fell asleep in my bed while I was attempting to attack my load of laundry that needed put away & he started jerking & shaking in his sleep. I called my Mom & sent her a video of him, just to make sure I wasn't being a crazy, paranoid Mommy & she said she would definitely take him in. I knew that without meds his temp wouldn't be going down anytime soon & I didn't want him to go into full blown febrile seizures. He was BURNING HOT! I dropped Lana off at my girlfriends house & rushed over to Urgent Care & they got us in a room asap because he was still shaking quite a bit. He was only in a diaper (remember he undresses himself a lot) with his "Momo" wrapped around him, his temp was 102.3 so they gave him Tylenol & started checking him over. As soon as they tried to check his ears he freaked out, which is what he did earlier in the day with his doctor. I held him still so they could look & he had a ton of wax build up so the did an Ear Lavage on both ears as I held him down laying on top of me belly up with his legs inside of mine, holding his arms down with one of my arms & the other hand holding his head still. The left ear ended up bleeding, he told me when it happened, his doctor still doesn't know if it's punctured or it was just scraped because when he checked his ears at his follow up this morning...all he could see was a scab on his ear drum. PERFECT! He ended up just getting the Ear Lavage & a shot of antibiotics because they (Urgent Care) "thinks" he has a full blown bacterial infection, from having an ear infection for so long. At first I was angry that his doctor & ENT specialist missed this whole wax build up/ear infection issue, but when I talked to his doctor today he hasn't had an ear infection, he hasn't complained of any ear pain, no fever, NOTHING...this all just happened out of the blue. I understand why he didn't do anything like an Ear Lavage for the wax build up since he was getting tubes in his ears anyways. And now that it has been done, it's created even MORE PROBLEMS! Just what he needs...
I called his ENT today after his appointment & let him know what happened. The biggest concern is his fever, because they will not put him under anesthesia with a fever of any kind, the ear drum will have to be looked at after he goes under to see if it needs more time to heal or not. So I'm keeping my fingers crossed that his fever goes away by Friday & he can still at least have his tonsils & adenoids removed...he needed this surgery back in OCTOBER!!! He has waited in pain long enough! I'm sick of seeing him hurt!
He is keeping down liquids today & hasn't been vomiting, so that's good news. He still feels warm, but not burning hot so I've been keeping up with the Tylenol. He has been startling awake A LOT more & I'm not sure why. I've just been keeping a very close eye on him. I'm just praying that his fever goes away so he can still have his surgery on Friday.
FINGERS CROSSED!!!

Trying to bring his temp down.

He was so miserable.

The foam is from the Hydrogen Peroxide solution that is used for the Ear Lavage to break up the wax.

Taking a little break from holding him down, just for them to put the solution in. He was screaming in pain. You can tell how awful it was just by his poor face! :o(((

All done with the Ear Lavage & his shot in his butt. After he got his shot he saw the needle & told the doctor "No more tattoo butt!"

The wax build up that came out of either ear. It was about twice the size before they started.

Quite disgusting, I had no idea this was even possible! I hope neither of us have to experience this EVER again!

Finally sleeping.

These are just pictures of the Petechiae that he got from crying & screaming in pain, he literally got all of this in a matter of minutes!

Hero's Song

This might be one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard.

Body Of War is an intimate feature documentary about 25-year-old Tomas Young, who was paralyzed from a bullet to his spine while serving in the U.S. Army in Iraq. His story about dealing with his disability and finding his own unique and passionate voice against the war.
"The songs collected here are the sounds that have helped to inspire me and keep me going as I struggle to find the strength to deal with my new physical limitations while trying to find the energy to fight when many parts of my body and brain are telling me to stop...Each song you hear you're hearing because I found a meaning in it that helped focus a number of emotions and turn them into something that I hope will ultimately be positive." (Tomas Young) He found James' “Hero’s Song” through Brendan James’ Myspace page. The two struck a friendship, and the veteran, Young insisted that “Hero’s Song” appear first on the soundtrack.

I'm not posting this because I'm an anti-war-aholic, I really think it's an amazing song that shows a lot of different emotions that a deployed troop goes through. I think whether you agree with the war or not, this is a beautiful song. I know I for one cannot even begin to understand, nor do I try to understand what our troops go through while they are at war. I'm married to a Marine & have seen first hand how the war has affected & changed my husband but he, along with Tomas & thousands of other military members have served our country & they are definitely entitled to their own opinions on the war.

Wars taking emotional toll on children in military families.

I saw this story online from the local newspaper back home. I was online looking for rentals to move into while my husband & my precious children's Daddy deploys for 13 months & I saw the head line & had to read. Now here I am at 4am balling my eyes out. First, I'm going to give a little background on our deployment history & then the link to the article I read this morning.

This one simple sentence in the article hit me like a ton of bricks & I completely lost it.

A single deployment can be half a toddler's lifetime.

Our son, Kyler, will be 3 on June 21st & this is his second deployment. Paul was gone for pre-deployment training for his 1st birthday (we celebrated a week earlier) & he left 1 month & 10 days after he turned a year old, he was gone for 7 months to the day, he returned when Kyler was 20 months old. I know that the deployment affected him, for the first week after his Daddy left I couldn't get him to eat anything. I wasn't prepared for that at all, I knew I would be okay after-all this was my second deployment & I had plenty to keep me busy & I knew my mind wouldn't wonder as much as the first deployment. As time went on we adjusted, not only was he adjusting to his Daddy being gone & our new home (I moved home so I could have help because I was pregnant & [more than likely] having a repeat c-section), but he also had to adjust to having a new baby sister. I remember when Alannah would sleep during her newborn days & Kyler would nap I would just hold him & cry because I felt so awful for not being able to give him all the attention I did before & what thought he deserved. I eventually came to terms with the fact that I was doing my very best to be strong for my husband & to meet all my children's needs. Kyler remembered who his Daddy was, he would point to the pictures all over the house & show me his Daddy, we would watch videos of him & Daddy playing & he was even able to see him on webcam a few times but he was too young to really understand it so it didn't keep his attention long. I know this time will be different because he is older, he understands more now & the deployment is much longer. He really is quite an amazing little boy. He isn't even 3 years old yet & has been through more in his little life than most grown adults have. Our daughter Alannah was born 3 1/2 months after Paul left & she was 3 1/2 months old when she finally met her Daddy on February 28, 2009, now she is almost 18 months old (21 months when he leaves) & preparing for her second deployment as well. He will be deployed for her 2nd birthday & will get home just in time for her 3rd birthday. It's really quite mind baffling to think that Lana will be Kyler's age now when her Daddy can hold & kiss her once again & Kyler will be 4 1/2 & probably in preschool when he returns from Afghanistan. Sometimes it's hard for me to think that far ahead & wonder how much different life will be for us & other days it seems like a pretty natural part of my thought process. Some nights (like tonight & this morning, it's 5am & I'm still awake) I literally cannot sleep because I think of how much my husband will miss in the 13 months he is at War; Thanksgiving 2010, Christmas 2010, New Years 2011, Valentine's Day (which isn't that big of a deal, but it's special to us because he proposed to me on Valentine's Day 2004), my 26th birthday, our 7 year anniversary, Kyler's 4th birthday, 4th of July & his 28th birthday & those are just every year holidays/celebrations, that isn't including our families birthdays, big events in their lives, or the most important things like being able to watch his children grow & change everyday, to see Kyler on his first day of school & to meet new friends that he makes. I cannot even fathom the thought of being away from my babies that long, not hearing their sweet voices or seeing their beautiful faces everyday, I really would go insane. My heart hurts for him, not because I pity him, I know he is fulfilling his destiny & he loves doing what he does. He knows that what he is doing is making a difference, but when it comes down to it, as much as he proudly signed his name on that line & swore in, no one wants to miss out on so much of their children's lives. I guess that's where sometimes your minds gets overwhelmed, you know the sacrifices you are making are changing or at least helping in someway, but it still hurts, A LOT! I know I am not the only mother of children in this same situation & for that I am grateful, not because I would wish any of the stress, anxiety, depression, arguments, frustrations or any of the other horrible things that can come from going through a deployment (not everything is awful, in a lot of ways our previous deployments have actually helped us grow close & remember to not take our days for granted.) but because there really are other mother's & wives who understand my fears & know what I mean when I tell them I literally sob uncontrollably when I read certain stories, her certain songs, see certain pictures or to be in certain places. I'm so thankful for the support system I have not only that I've found in my family, but in our "Military Family", my friends & the amazing online support that I've found. I can only hope & pray that this deployment that we are preparing for will bring us closer as husband & wife & closer as a family. My biggest fear is being apart so long that we grow so much separately that we grow apart, I've seen it happen several times, I do not want that for myself, my husband or our children. Who does?!!?? I refuse to just survive deployments, I will conquer them!

What I'm trying to say is...

THE STORY