Just a little something I wrote.

I am a Marine Wife.

I prepare for & conquer deployments.

I am Mommy & Daddy to my children most of the time.

I dream of a vacation he can actually go on.

I count down days.

I sleep with my cell phone in my hand, just in case he calls.

I wear his dog tags & wedding ring around my neck as a reminder he is always close.

I cry myself to sleep sometimes.

I put a smile on my face, even though my heart hurts everyday.

The last 5 weeks...

Regimental Combat Team -1 (ADVON)
My Life!
Our beautiful family.
Uncle Matt, Daddy & Uncle Spencer.
Dear White Buses,
In case you are wondering ever military wife in America hates you.I will hold you in my heart until I can hold you in my arms again.
He is such an incredible Daddy!
One last kiss...So proud of him!There goes my life...So both our babies fell asleep & Paul wasn't able to give them one last hug...they literally woke up like 5 minutes before the buses took off so he was able to love on them through the window...& I balled...A LOT!
I set up my kiddos trampoline!!!
We've had LOTS of laughs!
We celebrated my nephew Ryan's 6th Birthday!!!
We celebrated my Momma's 45th Birthday!
I made her a super delicious homemade dinner & desert...it was wonderful!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMA!!!Our New Home
My Room

Walk in closet...I haven't found the rest of my clothes!

LOL
My bathroom...yes, I love me some Zebra!
The kiddos/guest bathroom.
All the colors were on the walls when I moved in so I tried to work with them, cause I really don't want to paint.

Lana's little sign that Daddy HAD to buy her before he left!

Kiddo's room...they share one since Uncle Spencer is living with us.
Where the toys hide...you better believe I took those closet doors off so my kids didn't break them!
BAHAHAHAHA
Laundry room...exciting, right?!
Dining room...I'm not fond of the green wall...I actually might paint it because it just doesn't match real well with my furniture or decor.

Kitchen...my favorite!!!

Isn't it gorgeous?! I love cooking here!!!
Living room
My couch fits...I actually looked at places that would NOT fit my couch!
LOL
Love the built-in entertainment area!
Back yard...love how big it is! Plenty of room for the kids to run around!!!
I started & finished a baby afghan!And...
I WENT SUPER ROCKABILLY BLONDE!!!

So...overall we are doing well. We've had rough moments, days, nights & even weeks.
We are adjusting. We are trying.
We miss him everyday.

Meanings of Dreams/Nightmares

To see someone dying in your dream, signifies that your feelings for that person are dead or that a significant change/loss is occurring in your relationship with that person.

To dream that you are getting a divorce, indicates that you need ...to differentiate between things in your life and prioritize them. Perhaps you need to separate yourself from some issue or some aspect of yourself. Alternatively, the dream suggests that you have a fear of separation or fear of being alone.

To dream that you are driving a vehicle, signifies your life's journey and your path in life. The dream is telling of how you are moving and navigating through life. If you are driving and cannot see the road ahead of you, then it indicates that you do not know where you are headed in life and what you really want to do with yourself. You are lacking direction and goals. Similarly, to dream that you are driving at night, suggests that you are unsure of where you are headed in life. You are experiencing obstacles toward your goals. Perhaps you do not want to see what is ahead for you or you are afraid to confront certain issues. You may be feeling apprehensive about the future. If your view is blocked or obstructed while you are driving, then it symbolizes your lacking awareness of something in your life. You are overlooking certain aspects in your life. Alternatively, the dream indicates dangers or problems that are not yet made known to you. If you are driving on a curvy road, then it indicates that you are having difficulties in achieving your goals and accepting the changes associated with it.

To see someone drowning in your dream, suggests that you are becoming too deeply involved in something that is beyond your control. Alternatively, it represents a sense of loss in your own identity. You are unable to differentiate who you are anymore.

To dream that you rescue someone from drowning, indicates that you have successfully acknowledged certain emotions and characteristics that is symbolized by the drowning victim.

Very interesting...defintely pre-deployment anxiety & stress!

Just an FYI...LoverBoy & I are very happy & definitely NOT thinking of divorce...at all!

LOL

We're doing very well given everything we've being growing through. The kiddos are doing pretty good too! We've been staying with a couple different family members between pre-deployment leave & then coming back to So-Cal until Paul leaves...our family has been amazing but Kyler seems to be getting a little more aggressive, he hit his friend last night twice with toys...that is not normal for him at all. I think he knows something is going on but doesn't understand it.

I will be headed back to Nor-Cal the end of this week & finally will unload all of my stuff from the garage into my new home.

LoverBoy isn't gone yet, but MUCH too soon will be. I will upload pictures as soon as I get my computer put together & get some internet...until then you can keep up with me on my facebook.

Thank you so much for all the support & bloggy love! :o)))

Nightmares.

We were all in the car, I was driving...

Paul & I got into a fight, I don't remember what it was over but he told me wanted to leave me, wanted a divorce.

I lost it for a moment, control of my thoughts, my emotions & of the steering wheel.

We were headed straight for a lake, I knew we were, going to crash into it,

I just screamed at Paul,

"Save our babies, PLEASE SAVE OUR BABIES!"

We entered the water, Paul got Kyler out & kept pushing him to the surface, I got Lana & finally grabbed Kyler & swam as hard & fast as I could.

We reach the surface & I can't see Paul anywhere...

I had to keep swimming to shore to save our babies, I couldn't go back down & find Paul.

Over & over again my mind thinking

"Where is he??! Please come up...PLEASE COME UP!!!"

Then I woke up...I looked at my sleeping husband & babies & lost it...

still having a hard time keeping back the tears.

I hate nightmares, they are much too real sometimes.

HAPPY 3RD BIRTHDAY KYLER!

(Listening to Daddy sing him Happy Birthday on the phone!)

(What a MESS!)

My Favorite Boy,
HAPPY 3RD BIRTHDAY!!!
You've made my life so much more completely since the day I found out I was pregnant with you.
Even though you don' t know it yet, you've been here for me everyday since you came into my life.
I've been hurt by by some, loved by many & most importantly unconditionally loved from YOU! You are so incredibly special & I'm so thankful everyday that I get to see your smile in the morning & kiss you sweet face good night.
You are a dream come true.
You have so much to offer this world.
Don't EVER forget how much I truly love & adore you.
You are the reason I smile everyday, you are the reason I laugh everyday & sometimes even cry.
(Not in a bad way!)
You are growing up entirely too fast, won't you please stop?

I love you with all of my heart son!
You really are my Handsome Gift from God Kyler Matheu!
(In case you didn't know, Kyler is Gaelic & means "Handsome"
& Matheu [another form of Matthew] means "Gift from God
& we specifically picked his name by the meaning. [Alannah's too!])

(October 31, 2006 ~ FINALLY PREGNANT!)

(June 21, 2007 ~ Welcome to the World Kyler Matheu)

(HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY!)(He had 2 special first birthdays...we had to do 1 of them early so Daddy could be apart of it cause he was gone for pre-deployment training for his actual birthday.)(HAPPY 2ND BIRTHDAY!)