HAPPY 3RD BIRTHDAY KYLER!

(Listening to Daddy sing him Happy Birthday on the phone!)

(What a MESS!)

My Favorite Boy,
HAPPY 3RD BIRTHDAY!!!
You've made my life so much more completely since the day I found out I was pregnant with you.
Even though you don' t know it yet, you've been here for me everyday since you came into my life.
I've been hurt by by some, loved by many & most importantly unconditionally loved from YOU! You are so incredibly special & I'm so thankful everyday that I get to see your smile in the morning & kiss you sweet face good night.
You are a dream come true.
You have so much to offer this world.
Don't EVER forget how much I truly love & adore you.
You are the reason I smile everyday, you are the reason I laugh everyday & sometimes even cry.
(Not in a bad way!)
You are growing up entirely too fast, won't you please stop?

I love you with all of my heart son!
You really are my Handsome Gift from God Kyler Matheu!
(In case you didn't know, Kyler is Gaelic & means "Handsome"
& Matheu [another form of Matthew] means "Gift from God
& we specifically picked his name by the meaning. [Alannah's too!])

(October 31, 2006 ~ FINALLY PREGNANT!)

(June 21, 2007 ~ Welcome to the World Kyler Matheu)

(HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY!)(He had 2 special first birthdays...we had to do 1 of them early so Daddy could be apart of it cause he was gone for pre-deployment training for his actual birthday.)(HAPPY 2ND BIRTHDAY!)

Total Chaos

I'm still here.
LoverBoy left for a last minute training this last Sunday & it's been complete & total chaos since about the week before he left.

We found on June 10th that he would be leaving on the 19th for training...

Boo...he would miss Father's Day (the 19th), miss our sons 3rd birthday (the 21st) & his party (the 26th).
I was totally bummed for obvious reasons. He is already going to miss a whole years worth of stuff since he is deploying for 13 months.
UGH.
I just kept a good attitude. I know that he needs this course. It's an MRAP Maintenance Course, MRAP's are used a lot in Afghanistan & he basically has been playing boy since he got there. They did their classes & now they are starting to pull them completely apart & put them back together. Like I said, it really is important. Kinda useless to be MotorT if you can fix vehicles that are broken while in country!
Well...as of Thursday the 17th of June he didn't even have tickets, nor did his 3 Marines that would be going with him. Whatever...not my problem...right?!
If he goes, he goes, if not, he stays! :o)))
WRONG!
Everything was done SO last minute that he & his Marines had NO transportation to the SD airport. Thank goodness LoverBoy has a brain...he called the airlines just to be sure all 4 of them were on the same flight...
WRONG!
One of the Marines was on a different flight 2 hours earlier!
Of course!So it being Saturday at about 7pm & finding this out...I start to worry. Who is going to take him?
That's when I found out NOTHING was set up for them.
Normally...they would have been dropped off on base for them to be taken by a government van.
Ya'll know what ones I'm talking about!
WRONG!
Then I figured out that no one, except us had a vehicle big enough to fit everyone.
But of course...I have 2 children which = 2 carseats.
1 Tiffanie + 1 LoverBoy + 3 Marines + 2 Destructicons = 7 Humans.
We have 6 seats!
Thankfully one of the other Marines that was going, wives is a friend of mine, she was still in town & wasn't working. Her & her husband came over Saturday night & stayed the night so she could watch the kids for me so I could take all 4 guys to the airport at 0330.
(YES...that would be 3:30am on Father's Day morning...SUNDAY)
UNBELIEVABLE!
I was upset to say the least that NOTHING was taken care of. I should not have to find a babysitter at 8pm the night before 4 Marines need to be at the airport.
Sorry...I don't get paid enough! ;o)))
You think it's over there?!?
WRONG!
They all get into NC & funds were supposed to be deposited into our account for a rental car.
WRONG!
Of course it wasn't there. And the per diem that they were supposed to get before they left wasn't there either. So no one had enough money for a rental car or a taxi, nor do a major credit card to put it on.
(cause I'm sure getting reimbursed would have been real easy!)
Remember guys...my husband is only a SGT/E-5 & we have 2 children.
(on top of trying to save $ so I can move home while he is deployed)
The other Marines were 2 married CPL/E-4's & a PFC/E-2.
So...NO we couldn't afford a rental car, taxi or a hotel room since the $ we did have after paying our bills & grocery shopping for me & the kids was so he could eat while he was there.
No one was there to meet them at the airport to even take or lead (if they could have gotten a rental) them to where they were supposed to be.Thank the Lord we have friends in NC! One of our couple friends came to the airport to help but they had a 4 seater Honda, 4 Marines & 8 seabags? Ehhh...not gonna fit!
So Paul called his other friend. He had a truck that would fit them all so they had to wait for him to come pick them up.
He drove them onto base & after asking around they figured out where they supposed to check in at.The barracks...you know the "dorms" of the Marine Corps. They were supposed to have rooms there to be staying at...
WRONG!
They had no room for them at the barracks.
(WOW...someone is really doing their job well making sure their Marines are taken care of when traveling acrossed the country for a mandatory training class! Yes...we were all quite perturbed.)
So our friend & his family made room for them at their house.
He took them all back to his house & back to "work" the next morning.
They start checking into their course...no problem right?!
WRONG!
They were never even slotted for the course. The Ssgt in charge had no idea who they were or where they were from. He of course made arrangements for them to be at the course since they were there...but WOW.I know that we have to be flexible...I know that sometimes last minute training comes up...this isn't our first deployment! I can even understand not being slotted for a course because they come up so last minute & need to be filled ASAP.
But this is just...UNACCEPTABLE!
In 6 years of being married to my husband I've NEVER been apart of something this unorganized.
So...I called my FRO (Family Readiness Officer).
Every time LoverBoy would call his shop or anyone back here at home to try & get this all figured out he would get the run around or no phone calls even returned...not even to let him know they were working on it still.
Of course that backfired though...his command was very upset that I called my FRO because she goes straight to her boss which is quite a ways up the Chain of Command. So I'm sure they felt some heat for this all being such a mess.
I wasn't out to get anyone in trouble...I just wanted LoverBoy & his 3 Marines with him to be treated the way they should be.
LoverBoy SHOULD have been issued a government travel credit card...ALL of this would have been avoided is that would have been done!
Anyways...after I contacted my FRO. LoverBoy got question & "yelled" at for it.
He was also told by one of his "higher ups" that another "Higher up isn't done with you!"
PERFECT! Now he is being threatened...because I called my FRO!
Isn't that what she is there for!????!?!!!?
In 6 YEARS...6 YEARS...2 deployments
I've NEVER once contacted my FRO...NEVER...NOT ONCE!
And now the moment I do to figure out what is going on with my husband & 3 of his Marines (because the married 2 wives were asking me questions that I didn't have answers to)
he get told Higher up isn't done with him?!?!?!
WRONG!
I was LIVID!
My husband has served 9 & a half years & he has never been in trouble...NEVER!
There isn't one negative thing on his record!
He has 3 good conduct metals & I've personally seen the things other higher ups have written about him.So I let a little steam off on my fb without naming names because I'm not out to get anyone in trouble...I just want stuff taken care of. My FRO that had just approved me as a friend saw what I had written & asked me to call her. I emailed her & told her I was afraid to get LoverBoy in anymore trouble than what he has already seemed to be in. Shortly after, my phone rang. It was her. We talked about everything. Then she asked me to be apart of the Family Readiness Team for 1st Marine Regiment...which is over 4 other battalions.
So even though I'm moving home...
I am now apart of the team!
This shouldn't happen to any Marines or any families. No wife should be left to feel like she needs to find a babysitter the night before so she can have her husband & 3 of his Marines at the airport in time for a flight. It should be taken care of well before!
Hopefully by me speaking up about this ENTIRE mess it can now be avoided in the future.
So...now you know where I've been & why life has been
TOTAL CHAOS
since LoverBoy left for training.
I'm officially a BeachBody Coach! If you have any questions feel free to ask.
I'm still doing P90X & I've started using Shakeology.
Which I love with my whole life!
I've been drinking it for 3 days now (along with working out) & I'm down 2.5 lbs. I'm not so concerned with the number on the scale even though it does make me smile a little. I really feel wonderful & energized! It is definitely something that I will use for the rest of my life & LoverBoy is VERY excited about getting it while he is in Afghanistan! :o)))

Days 14 & 15

Day 14 - a non-fictional book

Ummm...I don't know...seriously...I can't recall a non-fictional book that I've read at the moment except the Bible!

Day 15 - a fanfic
I don't even know what this means...fanfic?!?
Huh???

Well that was fun! Here is something more exciting to look at!
It'sa Cinch!

3-0-0-0

I'm half way finished!
I can't believe it...well I can because my arms hurt like...
your arms would hurt if you did 3,000 push ups!
BAHAHAHAHAHA!
I'm 2 days behind...I was more but I caught up on most of them!
Life's been busy as you can tell from my lack of blogging...lame...I know. Forgive me?
To finish on time I will have to do 230.769230 per day!
LMBO
Soo...here is me now half way!Be honest...can you tell a difference from when I first started?I kinda just think my shoulders look more defined?!??

Days 12 & 13

Day 12 - whatever tickles your fancy(Apparently my fancy being tickled is pretty important in this 30 day thing...it asks A LOT!)
SO MAKEUP & LOTS OF IT

Day 13 - a fictional book
And...here is a skully I just finished about 10 minutes ago!
FlutterBy Skully

I'm ALIVE!

Day 06 - whatever tickles your fancy

I'm not exactly sure what this means??! Lots of things make me happy & the list is much to long to share on one blog! :o)))

Day 07 - a photo that makes you happy(8 months pregnant...Daddy is our HERO!!! [the picture I'm holding is a picture that Kyler always looked & pointed at & said "DADDY!" while he was deployed.])(First time meeting/seeing his daughter!)(Our first FAMILY picture!!!)

Day 08 - a photo that makes you angry/sad(Saying "See ya later" to Daddy...boo deployments!)(Talking/crying on the phone with Loverboy [in Iraq] about 10 minutes before my c-section.)

Day 09 - a photo you took
(I love taking pictures of nature...this is one of my favorites! It was just a cactus plant that was in downtown Temecula.)

Day 10 - a photo of you taken over ten years ago(This was the Summer I spent in Utah with my Aunt & Uncle...I was 15...10 years ago!!! I've changed a bit! LOL)

Day 11 - a photo of you taken recently(P.S. I LOVE MAKEUP!)

Day 5

Day 05 - your favorite quote

"I'd rather spend a day with you than a lifetime with anyone else."

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”

Day 04

Day 04 - your favorite book

By far my most favorite book is...
&
here is another skully I finished this morning!
Any of my skully's that are adorned with flowers except the "Bella Beanie" (named after my niece) are named after my super cute daughter...

Lana à la Fleur

(forgive her sleepiness in this picture)

Reality.

First of all...how super cute are my babies?!?!Kyler just had to have his "Gretchie" in the bath with them!It's been 1 week since I started my push up challenge...I've managed to do it!

1400 as of today!I even started my P90X yesterday!
MY GOODNESS THE PAIN HURTS SO GOOD!!!
The first day was Chest & Back along with AbRipper X & today (well as of 40 minutes ago) was Plyometrics!
I've never done Plyometrics before...I had no idea it was so intense...but I LOVED every minute of it!
I feel so insanely good & I have a feeling I'm well on my way to a 6 pack & some serious guns!!!
I'm glad I started it because it's a fantastic way to get my frustrations out since I can't go to the gym like I used to.
Fortunately, LoverBoy is amazing & he does bedtime routine with our destructicons & it gives me the time to workout!

On a different note...
On Sunday, I had a panic attack so I decided I really needed to get on the ball again with working out everyday like I used to. Life has just been so super full of emotions that I kinda got in a slump & didn't care if I worked out or not for the last few weeks. Then I was invited to do the Push Up Challenge & was asked to be a BeachBody coach...it really has brought me to a new place & I'm VERY excited!
I will be going back to my doctors to talk to him about how bad this last attack was. I'm sure it's just because I know we move home soon & that just means that it's closer to LoverBoy leaving for much too long.
Then my whole thought process that I can never stop, starts & my anxiety just builds & builds in a matter of minutes sending me into a full blown panic attack.
My arms go numb.
My fingers get tingley.
I get tunnel vision.
I feel like I'm going to blackout.
I feel like I'm suffocating.
The more I fight it the worse it gets.
I'm still learning about my anxiety & panic attacks. I know they have been situationally bound attacks & my OCD doesn't help any of it!
LoverBoy is learning along with me, he's been so patient & wonderful.
I've never before dealt with mental health issues before when it comes to myself, even after everything I went through as a child with my father & having to be put in the Victim Protection Program & moving to another state...I turned out fairly normal when it came to my mental stability, sure I had to go to therapy along with my sister, but eventually my Dad cleaned up & we started seeing him again a few years later (it's been up & down since then but that's a whole nother' story).
I've always know I had OCD but it's never been bad enough to treat with medication, at least until now. So...back to the doctors it is.
I'm...
embarrassed
ashamed
terrified
humiliated
frustrated
&
angry
that this is happening to me but I have to deal with it.
I don't want to be judged & criticized.
Just loved.
Am I going to be like this for the rest of my life?
I don't know.
It is what it is, I am who I am & right now it's a very big part of my reality.
I never would have thought after making it through 2 deployments I would be having so many issues on preparing for our 3rd...but times change, people change, families change.
Now instead of only worrying about taking care of myself mentally, physically, spiritually & emotionally. I also need to provide all those things for my children. I must be both a strong Mommy & Daddy for them. Some days I feel like I won't be able to do it & other days I know I can. I know the emotions I'm feeling I'm not alone in, but sometimes it really feels like it.
I feel very alone some days.
I feel like I'm learning myself all over again.
Not because of anything in particular that someone has or hasn't done.
Just because.
I don't want this for my children.
I don't want this for my husband.
I don't want this for myself.
But I have it.
I refuse to let it run my life.
I know God is listening, I know he cares, I will learn to rely on him more through all of this.
I will get through, somehow, someway.
I can only pray that when I look back I will be a stronger woman because of it.
I just want to be the best wife & mother I can be!

Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name you are mine. When you pass through the waters they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned & the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God.
(Isaiah 43:1-3)

Day 2 & 3

Day 02 - your favorite movie

Day 03 - your favorite television program
(even though we currently don't have cable these are my fave!)

Another one bites the dust!

Finished another Hawk Rawker. Instead of only two rows of Hawk, I added a third to give it a little bit of a different look.

It was a custom order for a friend who wanted it to match his Hayabusa motorcycle!Hope he loves it! :o)))

Keep the Change!

I couldn't agree more!!!

Day 1 - My favorite song

Naturally...I have a few favorites!
If some of the videos are lame...I apologize in advance! :o)))

Country:
Our wedding song!!! :o)))


Soothing/Relaxing:
The song my bridesmaids, groomsmen, ringbearers, flowergirls & myself walked down the aisle too...no way I was walking down to "Dun, dun, dadun..."


Rock/Alternative:
This song helped me get through all my sweaty, "I wanna quit working out" days! I listened to this song everyday while I was on the treadmill at the gym running.




Pop:
My song to my hubby!


Christian:
I LOVE JEREMY CAMP & his story is amazing! :o)))


This one too...


Oldies:




And of course...
Deployment songs:






I'm sure I could find lots more...but these are all the firsts that come to mind!

30 days of ME!

I saw this on Allissa's page over at Hope Floats! It look's like fun & a pretty simple way for people to know some pretty useless knowledge about myself that usually only BFF's know! :o)))


Day 01 - your favorite song
Day 02 - your favorite movie
Day 03 - your favorite television program
Day 04 - your favorite book
Day 05 - your favorite quote
Day 06 - whatever tickles your fancy
Day 07 - a photo that makes you happy
Day 08 - a photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 09 - a photo you took
Day 10 - a photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 11 - a photo of you taken recently
Day 12 - whatever tickles your fancy
Day 13 - a fictional book
Day 14 - a non-fictional book
Day 15 - a fanfic
Day 16 - a song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 - an art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)
Day 18 - whatever tickles your fancy
Day 19 - a talent of yours
Day 20 - a hobby of yours
Day 21 - a recipe
Day 22 - a website
Day 23 - a YouTube video
Day 24 - whatever tickles your fancy
Day 25 - your day, in great detail
Day 26 - your week, in great detail
Day 27 - this month, in great detail
Day 28 - this year, in great detail
Day 29 - hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 - whatever tickles your fancy

A day in my life.

So yesterday morning started fairlyI was delightfully woken up by my son throwing a fit in MY bed, still have no idea why...but seriously waking up to

is never a good start to an early morning!

So I get up & start my routine...Lana was still asleep so I checked my email & facebook, text LoverBoy, etc...shortly after Lana woke up & as I'm washing my face I can hear my using my bed as a trampoline after I had just made it!
So much for that...I tell them if you fall it isn't my faultThey finally calm down & I get in the kitchen to start breakfast. Simple enough, right?! NOT!
My daughter's most favorite snack is

& I put them inso I don't haveall over my carpet & it's a really easy snack for when we go jogging!
But now my daughter thinks that whenever she wantsshe can go get into the&all over the floor...& give me attitude when I ask her to pick them up.

So...after cleaning up all theI finish making my destructiconswhich is their most favorite thing for breakfast!
I make myself(((Vodka not included)))
Then I notice...Yes, a love letter from LoverBoy, which totally made my morning sooo much better! He really is so good to me! I'mby him in all the right ways!!!

Welp...Lana is only 18 months old so she is still learning to feed her self correctly with aso by the end of breakfast she looks like but thankfully Kyler eats without making a total mess now
I then get my destructicons dressed, did thein my dress & heels while Kyler & LanaI then go to my room to get dressed & come back out to
MORE STUPIDall over the living room.
I make Lana clean them up this time & get my destructicons into thewe headed to theso we can sendto Amy for winning my very first Giveaway, another order & a (late...opps) birthday present for my BFF.
We then go toso
can beI thoroughly enjoy my Caramel Frappuchino Light with sugar~free caramel & extra caramel drizzle while my destructicons enjoy their snacks & juice. Then we, by that I mean I pushed 65 lbs worth of destructicons & their stroller, proceeded to walk 4 miles. I also managed to get 125 in throughout my day.While we were on our 4 mile walk,aka Creepy McCreeper who likes women with tattoos hit on me & apparently thought that by hitting on me at the stop light & then circling around the very large block for the last 2 miles of my walk would flatter me enough to give him my number! Ummm...not so much! After I made sure Creepy McCreeper wasn't around I made my way into our apartment complex & inside safely. Of course I had LoverBoy on the phone with me since Creepy McCreeper with his super hot white framed "I'm a tool!" stunna's in his "I'm a pimp!" pearly white, out of state plated Cadillac Escalade ended up circling me 4 times...yes, 4 times!!!
By then my destructicons were sleeping so I& didOf course my destructicons woke up so I put on a movie for them while Iuntil LoverBoy got home.
Then went out to dinner with a friend for our favoriteAfter dinner we headed to the Dollar Tree because Kyler is currently obsessed with Spiderman & keeps asking for Spiderman puzzles so since LoverBoy works all weekend & I won't have the truck we took him shopping for puzzles!P.S. Don't take bored Marines to the Dollar Tree! ;o)))Just a simple day in the life of...
Me

OH YAH...